March 1998 the biswick files by Sherman T. Biswick |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Should I value people or art higher? Which do you value higher?
Dear Alex,
I liked it better when nobody got molested unless they wanted to. Now,
everybody gets molested except those what want to be. What kind of crazy
upside down world are we living in when people can use the internet to pass
around child pornography and to purchase German sausages? This puts the
local butchers out of business. Morty's Butcher Shop is not a part of the
Internet. I keep telling Morty he's got to get with both the times and the
program. What's to become of him when the IBMs and the Apples decide to
peddle meat? I don't know. But whatever happens, I'm sure Morty will have
to retire or open a sign painting business because the Internet can do
neither one of those.
Down at the plant, we used to use a sign painter by the name of Ed Hopper.
Evidently, later in life Ed made it pretty big in the art making business.
He was a top notch sign maker though. We got to be friends even though he
was a bit quiet. He took me out to his shed one day to show me his
pictures. I didn't much care for them but since he was my friend I had to
think of something nice to say. So, I told him that I like that one with
the woman standing alone in the room. The lesson I learned that day is
that's it's best not to combine the art and the friends. Because oil and
friends don't mix.
Dear Biswick:
Dear Mr. Lum,
Dave couldn't wait, though. For you see, the Biswicks have but one universal: we hate all foreigners especially the French because they don't
floss. Now they can bake good bread but they make wine that's too
expensive because of the NAFTA. I say buy American. Everytime you buy
French wine, you're taking food out of the mouth of the family of an
American winer. Doc Johnson told me that drinking a glass of wine
everyday would be good for me. I asked if I could instead drink two Pabst
Blue Ribbons and call it even. At that time, I didn?t know that Pabst
wasn't still being made in Milwaukee. Had I known that, I would've said
Blatz.
I tried collecting
tin cans..but everytime I
did my mother would throw them away.
How can I make her stop
throwing them away?
Dear Alex,
Sincerely,
Sherman T. Biswick
in the junk drawer:
|
|
·feature·
·net worth·
·bumping uglies·
·smoking jacket·
·ear candy·
·feed hollywood·
·target audience·
·three dollar bill·
·compulsion·
·posedown·
·the biswick files·
·mystery date·
·and such and such·
·blab·
·kissing booth·
·contents·
·freakshow·
·fan club·
·junk drawer·
copyright © 1996, 1997 fearless media