Dear Biswick,
Is space something or nothing?

A few years back I would have said that space was nothing, but it is with a tear in my eye I have to tell you that space is definitely something. One of my favorite hounds, Sassy, was struck dead and crushed under a piece of Skylab several years back. I found her when I went to look for her since she didn't show up at breakfast where she would belly crawl up to the stove and wait for the missus to drop a little piece of bacon, which was a delicious treat for the pup as opposed to the life ending blow of a large piece of metal dropped from the sky. Come to think of it, bacon is a delicious treat for me as well. Ever since my cholesterol reached it's all time high of 294 in 1988, I've been off the bacon, but I sure miss that dog. I told my doctor that he was a facist but after seeing those operations on lifetime where they unclog people's arteries, I'm pretty sure he's an okay fellow, even if he does have uneven sideburns.

Of which Kafka character would hold the most interesting conversation, Gregor Samsa or Josef K.?
- BennR.

Dear BennR,
I think it's a mistake to worry about having conversations with fictional characters. My second cousin Darius Cuniff, we called him "Nifty" used to have conversations with fictional characters like that little fellow with he big feet from the Keep on Trucking stickers. Nifty eventually went to live at a state run facility where he's become a champion quilt maker. No one really knew he had it in him until he started making little patchwork rag dolls from scraps of dressing gowns he nicked from the laundry card and finally one of the attendants for him some real thread so he wouldn't have to use his dental floss anymore. Now, Nifty has quilts that have won many a ribbon in State fairs all through the Rust Belt. So maybe talking to fictional characters isn't a mistake, but I say it is since the down side of Nifty's new life is that he doesn't get to watch the television in the privacy of his own room, or select his own socks which sometimes results in a distracting appearance.

Paper or Plastic?
- Rease

Dear Rease,
I think it's a shame the way kids these days run up piles of credit card debt, so I suggest you stick with the paper money for now. That way when you don't have any more in your wallet you can be sure you won't keep buying useless goods like motivational tapes and salad spinners and whatnot. I suggest that you stick with things of lasting value, like collectible plates.

Sincerely,

Sherman T. Biswick

biswick@smug.com

in the junk drawer: