March 2000 the biswick files by Sherman T. Biswick |
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Editor's Note:
The sad truth is that sometimes Mr Biswick can be grumpy and ill tempered,
and his answers to your carefully thought out questions can reflect that
fact. Usually a can of Old Milwaukee and a few strips of jerky will take
care of his bad mood. This month, however, no amount of cajoling could
bring Mr Biswick out of his funk. He kept mumbling something about Santana
tying Michael Jackson's record.
Herewith, Mr Biswick's all-too-brief replies:
Dear Mr Biswick,
Young man, I don't have time for this kind of shenanigans.
***
Dear Mr Biswick,
I don't have a social disease. Unless you count sciatica. And I don't have
a girlfriend. I'm a widower. Thank you for bringing that up. You little
bastard.
***
Dear Mr Biswick,
Beans and rice: that's nice.
***
Dear Mr Biswick,
That's when something is fun. The kids nowadays enjoy visiting a place
called the "amusement park" because it is nothing but fun. Except I can't
stand the place. One time I got real sick on the Whizzy McTwister ride and
threw up my chili dog. And it was the first time in months that Edna hadn't
nagged me about eating one.
***
Dear Mr Biswick,
Down at the library I saw a sign on the bulletin board that some young man
has "two spair tix for" something or other. I don't know what "Phish" is,
but it's probably close enough. You kids with your alligators on your
T-shirts and the MTV. I don't see what all the fuss is about.
Now get a haircut.
Sherman T Biswick,
in the junk drawer:
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